Cathartic Rant

Unsure what I’m hoping to achieve writing this, just venting to the 2 or 3 people that may actually read it I guess.

Been in this space 5+ years, raised as a BSC moonboy cus ETH was too expensive. First shitter I aped was Safemoon after seeing it shilled on a bunch of different sub Reddits, don’t even know the mcap I got in at because, well, I didn’t understand mcap then. But turning 50 bucks into 6 grand plus naturally got me hooked to the space.

50 bucks turned into about 4 years of being a full time degen instead of a traditional job, so by all accounts I can say I ‘Lost’

I’ve been at rock bottom more times than I can count, yet somehow always managed to bounce back (unibot at 200k with my last 0.1 Eth, fullporting the last of my sol minting solpunks or a dozen other random plays that miraculously kept me going)

Well we finally did it.

We lost everything.

The worst part is the fact that about a year and a half ago I was sitting on a portfolio all time high from sitting on 2 conviction plays, 1 on Eth 1 on Sol. ETH was utility, I bought it from 1m mcap down to 70k, easiest trade I ever made because despite holders crying saying it was a rug, Devs kept devving and product got better. Easy DCA scoop.

Took over a year but eventually it ran to about 34m.

The meme ran to 10m.

To this day I question what kind of self sabotage stopped me from just clicking a few buttons and bettering my life and everyone’s around me…

I did sell bits of the meme close to 10m, don’t ask me why I then put it all back in lower as it bled to nothing.

The utility, well they say the market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.

34m slide to about 4m, of course Its only when it’s at the bottom the bills start piling up. It did run to at least 16m again but by that point I was out fully and refused to look back at the chart.

I always went especially hard for any bag I had, I truly believed in communities and working for my bag.

After enough times believing and the same outcome always happening.

I stopped believing pretty quickly…

Change of strategies, I’ll be a ruthless jeet in the shadows scalping 30-60% gains, no more bag working just to roundtrip, let others pump your bags for a change.

Being a jeet works when a 30% gain feels tangible, less so after you take a few 20-30% losses.

Fast forward to last Christmas I couldn’t afford to get anything for anyone, family understands but I die inside…

Somehow still scraping by over time, getting enough wins to pay the bills and enough sol to try and keep it going.

Few more bad trades back to back, port starts diminishing rapidly, start to make bad decisions as a result, like cutting loss at break even because “you CAN’T afford to lose” despite having a thesis and target (surprise, target eventually hits but you took a 1% loss instead of riding for that 2-3x.)

Get more desperate as port dwindles, make continually worse decisions.

Get the port so small to the point you can’t scalp because you’re losing on fees, check every proverbial couch cushions for change by burning old nfts to get a couple winning plays, but ultimately your mentality is broken from desperation so you can’t find those (more precisely you find them and fade them because they ‘already ran’ or whatever mental gymnastics you tell yourself).

I had multiple chances to ‘make it’ over the years and for some reason never clicked the damn buttons when it mattered.

I loathe what the trenches has become, imo the accessibility of trading has been the downfall of the space.

Just… Take your fucking profits when they’re there please.

Maybe someone learns from this.

I’m tired boss.

TLDR: Lost it all