🚨 Just Dropped: $PE – The First Meme Coin That Finally Says What We’re All Thinking About Private Equity

Alright degenerates and visionaries—buckle up.

We just launched $PE (Private Equity Coin), and no, it’s not what you think. This isn’t a DeFi protocol. It’s not some over-engineered governance token. It’s a meme coin—born out of spite, sarcasm, and a very expensive MBA that taught us to pivot when the vibes are right.

This isn’t “the next big thing.” It’s the current dumb thing, and that’s what makes it special.

So, What Exactly is $PE?

“Private equity* — *without the equity.” 

$PE is a satirical jab at the suits of Wall Street, the Harvard case studies, the EBITDA “add-backs,” and every 200-slide deck that never asked the customer what they actually wanted.

We minted $PE on Solana because it’s fast, cheap, and totally vibeless—perfect for a coin that mocks the illusion of value creation in the private equity world.

We’re not trying to raise a fund. We’re not optimizing supply chains. We’re just here to build the only thing PE firms can’t model in Excel: a good time.

The Origin Story

My managing partner just flew to the Hamptons after gutting another portfolio company—complete with layoffs, buzzwords, and a press release that somehow used “synergy” 6 times.

So I did what any rational person would do: I launched a meme coin.

$PE is how we cope.

Why You Should Ape In (or at least vibe with us)

Forget tokenomics. Forget utility. Forget staking and farming and rebase loops.

Here’s our actual “value proposition”: • No utility (so nothing can go wrong) • Market cap under $10K (we’re still in our “early seed visionary phase™”) • Too big for VCs at $5.3K (we’re basically uninvestable already) • Backed by Excel formulas like =SUM(hope) • Roadmap? No. We have a pitch deck made in Canva with typos. • The community is mostly people who like yelling “synergy” ironically

Still here? Good. You’re exactly our target market.

The “Financials” (We Made These Up) • Series A: Nope. • Series B: Still no. • Series M: Yes. That’s M for Meme.

We’re proud to report we’ve already crossed a whopping $5,300 market cap, meaning we’re officially “too big to ignore” and “too small to matter” at the same time.

In our world, anything under $10K still qualifies as “pre-seed, pre-vision, pre-anything.”

The Deck (Shhh… Don’t Tell Compliance)

We weren’t supposed to share this, but here’s what the pitch deck says: • One of the charts is from 2018. • We manipulate data just enough to look bullish. • Graphs are included only to impress the board, not inform them. • Forecasts based on vibes, not revenue. • The Excel file is 48MB and crashes on open.

Basically, it’s everything you’d expect from a PE-backed startup—except we don’t ruin lives (only vibes).

What the Community is Saying (Literally Us on Alt Accounts) • “$PE cured my chronic due diligence fatigue.” • “Finally, a coin that understands cap tables and meme templates.” • “I invested for the joke. I’m staying for the spreadsheet jokes.”

Utility? Governance? No Thanks.

This coin is anti-utility by design. We didn’t forget to add a whitepaper—we deleted it on purpose.

$PE is not here to make promises. It’s here to hold up a mirror to the absurdity of modern finance and say, “Yes, we’re in on the joke.”

There’s no staking. No rebasing. No DAO. Just jokes. Charts. Tweets. And hopefully, one day, an ironic VC exit.

🚀 Where To Get $PE

We’re live now on Moonshot: 👉 Private Equity on Moonshot

Contract address (in case you’re into that kind of thing): BUWjZuBpM2UbKcbJdsY9VzmQqHThL6aK8A8e9QTXmoon

Slippage? Unclear. Gas fees? Low. Liquidity? As thin as our value proposition. Utility? Already covered that—still none.

Our “Board Room” Community

Join our X community, lovingly titled: The Board (Bored) Room. We meet to vibe, post memes, and dunk on KPIs.

We already have 2 members and a total market cap smaller than some people’s rent. That’s exactly how we like it.

Final Thoughts (Before Compliance Shows Up)

Private Equity used to be about unlocking value. Now it’s mostly about locking founders into non-competes and firing the entire support team to “streamline ops.”

$PE doesn’t streamline anything. We’re not here to optimize. We’re here to mock.

And if that means building a coin with no purpose other than to laugh at financial absurdity—we’re all in.

So if you’re tired of rugpulls with whitepapers, if you’ve had enough of “utility” being promised and never delivered, if you want a coin that finally admits it’s all just vibes—welcome to $PE.

Not financial advice. But definitely financial vibes.

Let me know if you want a shorter version for comment threads or want to format this for Medium or a blog post too.